Apr 24, 2006

Confession before Beatification

In beginning the Compact I assumed that I’d find some release from materialism. I got a bit ... high on things at times, usually bikes and jackets. Cleaning out my apartment, calm-pacting, I felt like I was purging some of those societally constructed emotions.

But I’m starting to see a new materialism in myself: I’m a bit possessive over my stuff. The best example is a mishap with my cycling jacket. My best friend was wearing it and within 10 minutes, managed to jam both of the zippers on the pockets, one of which broke. I was seriously (and publicly) mad about this. I was thinking about replacing that jacket and groaning to myself about the hours that I would spend finding a good substitute. The jacket’s 2 years old, my friend pointed out, and it was only the zippers on the pockets. But I was pissed.

Another friend thought it was out of character for me to get so bent out of shape over a thing, but it’s not just the jacket. I’m hesitant to loan out some of my things. Especially if they were selected to because of their ergonomic prowess (vacuum cleaner, office chair). So far I’ve not refused anyone, but have cycled through the steps that replacing the item would require: internet/Goodwill search, borrow a car, coordinate time, drop cash, etc. It’s a panicky reaction, and a very interesting result of my commitment. I hope it’s a phase.